11/10/93

Dear Mom:

18 years ago today lung cancer tore you out of my life, but not out of my heart.  I wish you could be here to talk to and give me advice.  I took you for granted when I had you.  You were the best, always boosting me up, telling me to treat others the way I want to be treated, sacrificing for me.  Remember when Kim Badilla used to tell you all the stuff she and I would do? I thought I was getting away with murder, but you were just letting me be a teenager.

I saw a grief counselor today at Mark's work.  I felt you with me helping me deal with Dave's death.  Letting me know that I would get through it.  He was so much like you.  Never knew any strangers, just friends he hadn't met yet.  Always doing for others and never thinking about himself.  Taken too soon.  I hope you meet him and you become very good friends with him.  He can tell you all about how he supported me through my breast cancer ordeal, all the time dealing with his own stupid cancer.  I know you will like each other.

I love you and I will talk to you again like this because it really does help.  I know you are listening.  And looking out for me.

Your loving daughter, Rae.

my hero is gone

i was inspired by dave, he had esophageal cancer, went through radiation, surgery, radiation, surgery, and made me feel like i could get through my breast cancer battle breezily...

he died today...we were supposed to go to the movies, but we didn't get to...we just talked to him on the phone last night and although he sounded weak, we thought that everything would be fine...

cancer sucks dead donkey dicks...

i will miss dave's daily phone calls and our visits, he made us feel at home in our new home state of utah...