Friday, December 24, 2010

I am back...and this time I really mean it!

First off, Merry Christmas!

I have missed posting but I needed to gather my thoughts before I could write them down.  I am usually "off the cuff" but felt that I needed to compose something epic.

Oh, screw that noise, I am just going to talk about myself, my favorite subject!  Besides, all that "composing" crap is just me being lazy!

As of my last foray into the blog world, I completed chemo a week after spending a week in the hospital with an E coli infection.  The infection was worse than the cancer surgery, reconstruction, recovery and chemo wrapped all together.  At least it felt that way.  Maybe it is like childbirth, as time progresses, you forget how bad it was.

Unfortunately, I had a C section so I have no idea how bad childbirth is as far as labor and pain go.  Then I had the painless process of having two stepsons bestowed upon me.

Therefore, the infection, in my memory, has been the worst experience health wise that I can remember.  As time goes on, I am sure that something will replace it.  Or not.  I hope I don't have anything that bad happen again.  I try to take care of myself, but when I fail, I have Mark to help me.

So with this being the holiday season, I would like to say that I appreciate my family.  All of them, near and far, and they are all pretty far away, Heather is the closest in proximity in California.  Nick in Michigan.  Tony in New York.  But I have Mark here with me and that is what counts.  Kids move on with their own lives.  That is human nature.and I can deal with that.  Except when I can't.  Then Mark holds me when I cry.

Looking forward to keeping you all up to date on my status on a more regular basis, but for now, just letting you all know that I am still here and am getting stronger and healthier every day!

Happy New Year, too!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I am back

I have been away due to recovery from an infection, which I will address in a later post.  In the meantime, I have a special subject I want to write about.  My daughter, Heather.

She is 23 years old.  She just got her first job.  I am so proud of her.  She is my sunshine.  I hope she has the happiness I have always wished for her.  She is far away from me, in California, but not as far away as Michigan, so I want her to know how much I love her and want her to be successful in life as I will not always be here for her physically.  I will always be in her heart, as she will be in mine.

I LOVE YOU, HEATHER!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

The Kindness of Strangers

Yesterday was my third of four rounds of chemo.  I will preface this by stating that I have been going bare headed most of the time because I love the freedom, not to mention if you look in the dictionary under lazy, you will find my picture, so having no hair is utopia for me.  My day went like this.

Mark (my wonderful, supportive, loving and long suffering husband), his dad, Bill and I left the apartment in the morning to go to Ruth's Diner (which has been on Food Network's Diner's, Drive Ins and Dives).

My first kindness of the day was shown by our waitress, Amos, who was tattooed, pierced and had sizing rings in her earlobes.  Well, every time she was at our table, she looked at me and I could hear the wheels turning in her head.  I could imagine her thinking about cutting all her hair off and joining me in the odyssey of being different, because, obviously, she was not different enough!  I did want to tell her that her body art would be displayed more prominently if her long locks were not covering up everything.  Anyway, I just interpreted her looks and smiles as a positive sign that my head looked good.

When we finished eating and went to the clinic for my treatment, I walked in the office door and got such good comments on the shape of my head and that I was looking great without hair, so that reinforced my self esteem even more.  The doctor then examines me and we talk prior to going into the room for chemo infusion, but Dr Prystas, my oncologist, is also positive about my look.

The room I sit in for chemo has a couch, a chair and three recliners (the recliners are usually intended for the patients, but my first two treatments, Mark and I were the only two people there).  We saw no reason for Bill not to go as he was willing and we knew there would be plenty of room.  Well, it just so happens that there was another chemo patient when we got there. This was going to be different, but so is cancer, so I was open for it!

Sang, a 75 year old Korean gentleman who had surgery for colon cancer, was having his last treatment and was going to be free for three months before his follow up.  He was so much fun talking to and spending time with. So upbeat.  He has a business in Salt Lake City and we got his card and I plan on staying in contact with him.  He is on his own and I really feel like we can be a help to each other.

My infusion was going along great, partly because I had Mark and Bill with me, and partly because my system was familiar with what I was having put into it.  I didn't have to get Benedryl this time because I didn't have any reaction to the drugs.  After Sang left, Ann came in.

Ann was not doing so good.  She was having problems with her hydration, I was understanding, but she didn't seem as approachable, most likely because she was not feeling well.  Her husband dropped her off to do some errands, which seemed to be their routine.  Mark always stays with me and thought that was maybe a little unkind of Don, Ann's husband, but different strokes for different folks.  Ann did try to converse with us some, but we let her take the lead, as she really looked like it was an ordeal for her.  She was a very nice and pleasant lady, but I did not feel comfortable asking her about her cancer.  Her husband came back after about and hour and a half and they then left, with her scheduled to return on Monday for her follow up.  I am so lucky that I am not having to go through what some of the other patient are.  And even luckier I have someone with me (unlike Sang, whose two sons live on opposite coasts, one in California and one in New York) and someone who stays with me (unlike Ann, whose husband drops and runs).

After my treatment was done, Mark, Bill and I came home for a bit and I rested for a while.  We then went to McGraths Fish House for dinner.  As we left the apartment and were in a parking lot going to the car to leave, one of our fellow apartment dwellers we had not met, walked up next to me and threw her arm around my neck and started talking to me out of the blue!  She just outright asked me how far along my chemo was, what I was being treated for, telling me about her friend who was a cancer patient and so on.  She was so encouraging and complimentary about my hair and smile and made me feel so good.  I was so overwhelmed I didn't even introduce myself, so I will be putting a note under her windshield wiper to thank her!

Later, when we were seated at the restaurant, a young Asian patron was leaving and passed our table and said "hello, sweetie, how are you feeling, are you feeling better?"  That brought tears to my eyes!  I just cannot believe all the wonderful people out there!

After our meal, we saw the hot light on at Krispy Kreme and the kindness of my husband took us through the drive through for a half a dozen glazed doughnuts.  Then the kindness of the girl serving us showed up in the form of two free sample doughnuts!  What a way to end the day, I almost didn't feel the chemo!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

My hero Dave

Dave is my inspiration.  He had his esophagus removed due to cancer.  He underwent radiation and chemo prior to the surgery to shrink the tumor.  He did all this while cheering me on in my breast cancer battle.  With a smile and humor and so much more.  He still does.

He is back at work, where he has been itching to be for the longest time.  He works for Mark, my husband, so I get the usual "Dave says hi" along with all the other people that send their greetings.  The difference is, Dave calls me and checks on me all the time, either by calling Mark about work and then speaking to me, or calling me direct.  He is so genuinely concerned about me.  I have to dig it out of him for him to tell me how he is doing.

He has a lovely wife, Bonnie.  He has two daughters, Erin and Rondi, who each have a husband, Jed and Marshall, respectively.  And he has the apple of his eye, his granddaughter, Kate, who is two years old.  He loves to participate in activities with his family, such as camping and four wheeling and watching soccer games.

Yet he still takes time to keep up with me.  That means more than I could ever express.

Kate, your grandpa is going to be around for a long time for you.  His attitude demands it.

And I said so!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

My big left toe

The tip of my big left toe is numb.  I am sure this is permanent.  It is due to diabetes.  But it is OK because it is the only lasting damage caused by the disease.  I hope.

I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes about this time last year.  I thought it was a death sentence.  After all, my father had diabetes and he died from congestive heart failure, which is partly brought on by diabetes, I think.  One of his sisters was diabetic and she didn't fare so well.  My difference was education.

Mark and I took a diabetes education class once a week for four weeks.  We learned about more than diabetes, we learned about nutrition and healthy eating.  Not that we always follow it, but we are better than we used to be.

The first question the dietitian asked in the class was: "what can you NOT eat if you have diabetes?"  The flurry of hands went up and the most common answer given was sugar.  Candy, cake, cookies and all the other sweets I had always associated with the disease.  After all, I always heard it referred to as "sugar diabetes".

WRONG ANSWER!

There is nothing you can't eat if you are diabetic, you just have to measure your carbohydrates and choose healthy ones as opposed to junk ones.  We were taught to read nutrition labels, so we could check for carbs, but we were also taught about fats and other things.  Portion size.  The word "lite" is not always better for you.  Exercise makes a big difference.

My glucose numbers have dropped drastically since I started testing daily more than a year ago.  I have lost between 45 and 50 pounds, as my weight is fluctuating a lot with my chemo affecting my appetite.  I am not a fanatic about exercise, but I take the stairs instead of the elevator or escalator when I can.  I do take medication but I have not needed insulin to control my glucose.

I am lucky.  My diagnosis was not a death sentence, it was a life sentence, but one I can handle.

Have your A1c level checked to see how you are doing.  I am glad I did.

Now bring on the junk food, but make mine a bite size Three Musketeer!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Faygo, Better Made and Chopstick Inn

These are three of my all time favorite things.  Faygo pop (fruit punch, redpop, rock n rye and root beer are my preferences, in that order), Better Made chips (rainbow, which are the burnt ones, and no salt added are my choices for these) and Chopstick Inn (a Chinese restaurant owned by a former high school classmate that has THE best egg rolls ever!).  I miss all of them because they are in Michigan and I live in Utah.

Faygo and Better Made fixes can be fed by the internet, I can order them online.  But the egg rolls entail a trip back east.  So it is time for a visit.  The bonus is getting to see my family and friends I had to leave behind when Mark and I made our trek west due to the economy and his job opportunity out here in Salt Lake City.

Don't get me wrong, I love it out here.  I am practicing for hitting the road when we retire, so this is home now for at least the next few years.  I am making new friends in the crew that works for Mark and they are welcoming us with open arms.  They are more than supportive in my health issues and Mark having to take time off for my surgery and my chemo and my various and sundry doctor appointments.  And his absences when he takes me back to Michigan for my visits.

But there is no place like home.  I have the best of both worlds, though, and I have no complaints.

Just give me my comfort foods.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Lesson for the day

I spend way too much time on facebook.  But in my defense, it is how I stay in contact with my family and friends

I live in Utah and the majority of the people I know and love live east of me.  Way east of me.  Michigan, New York, Illinois, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida and a few other scattered states.  Heather, my daughter, lives in California, which is west of me, doesn't count, because I am always on the phone with her when she is not invading my personal space up close and in real time. (Heather, I love you!  And you do count, just kidding).

But back to the facebook thing. 

Recently, one of my older brothers, Florida Bobby (who prefers to be called Bob, but that crap don't float with me), sent my baby brother Michigan John (who I did used to call Johnny, by the way) some pictures to scan into the computer and post on facebook.  What John found when he started the project (and was assisted by or did assist wife Sandy) was that a lot of the pictures were from ages ago and not all of them were labelled as to names of subjects in said photographs.

Problem solved.  An open call was put out to all the friends and family on facebook to help with the identification.  What has ensued in this endeavor is nothing short of a cyber family reunion.  We have posted, commented, tagged, captioned and just about peed our pants going back and forth trying to guess who is who, where was that one taken, I have that picture on my wall and I remember being there for that picture.  Michigan brother Larry (who is Lawrence, but so was our uncle, hence the nickname), North Carolina cousin Debbie, South Carolina cousin Sandy and so many more kicked in and helped out and generally put in their two cents worth.

We got the job almost done.  Some mystery pictures will hang out there forever I am sure.  That is ok, the archeaologists will find them and make something up.

So the lesson for the day is to caption, label, date and generally let everyone know what you can on the back of a picture so you don't have to go through all this.

Or not.  I am glad mom didn't write on some of her pictures!  I wouldn't miss this fun for anything.  Thanks, Dora Elizabeth Kathleen Hawkins Austin Akers White Roten Hicks for having me and all my siblings and also having the foresight to know not to write on the back of your precious, priceless collection!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

My BFF Mary A

This will not be a lengthy post, just a shout out to my hero, Mary A.

She is my husband's cousin. We have never met in person, but I would know her because I have a picture of her face engraved in my brain. We have never talked on the phone, but I am sure I would recognize the Chicagoland twang.  If we had grown up together, we would be thick as thieves.  She would MAKE me be a girly girl and wear makeup and do my hair, because she loves that stuff and she would not let me be too lazy to dress up and strut my stuff. She lives in Texas. I live in Utah. We will meet in the near future because she is going to let Mark and me camp in her driveway when we retire and hit the road in our fifth wheel camper. But this has nothing to do with why she is my hero.

She is my hero because she sticks up for me against cancer. She is my staunchest supporter. She blogs and tells the world that cancer is not going to get me. And I believe her. And I love her. And I would not know what to do without her now that she is so deep in my heart.

Skinny people p*ss me off!

Not sure what the rules are so i replaced the i in the above word with * so I don't get kicked off of here before I get started.

Anybody remember Marsha Warfield? Skinny people piss me off was one of her stand up routines. I don't remember it word for word, but I think it went a little like this:  Skinny people piss me off, they don't deserve to eat..."oh, I forgot to eat"...how can you forget to eat, bitch?

Sorry, bad memory and bad interpretation, but, basically, she was saying that she, as a larger lady, would never forget to eat, because she ate all the time, it was something that she couldn't control.  Now keep in mind here what I said about my opinion.  After all, I don't know Marsha personally, or her eating habits.  It may really have been strictly a comedy bit.  She may have been skinny herself and wore a fat suit when she worked.

What I am trying to say is that skinny people may just not have an appetite.  I don't most of the time right now due to the chemo.  Sometimes it is a struggle to eat anything.  And when I do eat, most of the time it tastes like cardboard because my taste buds are messed up.  Think I am losing weight because of it, no such luck.  The bathroom scale is showing me fluctuating up and down within the same three pounds or so. And this is a brand new scale.

No worries, I think it is because I am not walking up and down the four flights of stairs like I was in the habit of doing back in the days when I had energy (another side effect of the chemo, but I will save that subject for another blog).

I have lost approximately 45 to 50 pounds in the last year after being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes (another blog subject) due to changes in diet.  I still eat mostly the same things, just smaller portions and healthier choices.  Nobody is going to stop me from drinking Faygo and eating Better Made (when I can get them, but that is yet another blog subject). Nor will they stop me from eating chocolate.  I just watch the amount, cause it is in the carb count, too!

I would like to say that it is due to exercise, too, but the only significant change is the stairs and that ain't happening too much lately!  My major exercise is getting up and going to the bathroom, cause the chemo is giving me a slight bladder infection that makes me think I have to pee when I really don't, sort of like pregnancy without the morning sickness. Oh wait, the chemo gave me that, too.  But they gave me really good drugs to stop it and there is no baby to harm. I love pharmaceuticals!

I also had a tummy tuck to provide tissue for my breast reconstruction.  You would think I would have lost weight there, but it was basically a 'take it from this part of the body and put it in this part of the body' thing.  I did get to see my pubic area for the first time in over 25 years, but no major weight loss was involved.  I didn't change cup size either, but I paid Mark off so he wouldn't mind it.

Wow, do I ramble!  I guess what I am trying to say is, skinny people don't piss me off, cause I can sympathize with them. I forgot to eat!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Bald is beautiful!

I love being bald! My hair has fallen out due to chemotherapy I am undergoing to kill all those hidden cancer cells that may be left in my body. My official medical status is "no evidence of the disease", but I am not taking any chances and I am going the extra mile to improve my survival rates.

I got in the shower and reached up to wet my hair to shampoo it and it still surprised me to find Velcro. I am saving on shampoo and conditioner, but I still use them because I like the strawberry fragrance and I don't want my head feeling left out by not getting any attention.  Now I am waiting for the pits and legs and a few other choice places to become hairless (and any of you western civilization ladies out there, not to mention drag queens and bicyclists, know what I am talking about).

This leads me to my random thought for today: what are the orthodox Jewish women and burque wearing women who have to cover their heads in public feeling about this? How many of them long for the freedom I possess?

I am really digging on this peaceful, breezy feeling and may stay this way for the rest of my days!

I know it doesn't matter to my dear, loving, supportive husband, Mark, whose family is known for their follicle challenged heritage.  I now officially have less hair than the lot!

Welcome to my blog

This is it, the moment you all have been waiting for! My blog, so you can have a special place to put up with my ramblings and I can let you know what I am thinking about.  My main problem is I think of stuff while I am laying in bed or when I am driving, so I guess I need to keep a pen and paper with me to jot down ideas so I can then compose them on here.  No subject too small or too big, too dull or too exciting or too personal or too general is my motto!  Hope you all like it and feel free to comment.  Enjoy!